Weeds grow automatically
I was listening to a podcast about a week back (I can’t remember which one), and one thing that was said stood out…
“Weeds grow automatically”
It struck me as something that’s true of life, isn’t it? Even if we do nothing, there will be stuff around us that is pure crap. It just happens, doesn’t it? We didn’t ask for it, did nothing to make it happen, yet it’s there… staring at us in the face.
Now what?
A lot of us choose to be pissed off at it. Some even carry those weeds with them and pass them out at work or in a family setting. We’re just so angry that we have to deal with something we didn’t ask for in the first place.
My recommendation: Just pull them out and toss them away.
Recognize that these stupid things don’t deserve a place in your life and discard them. The last thing you want to do is to give them life by extending their lifespan.
Sure, it takes effort in yanking them out of your life, but isn’t it worth it? Isn’t is worth it to deal with them briefly and have them out of your life rather than have them rule your life?
It’s pretty easy… as long as you want them out. It’s tough, if you want to carry them.
The Warrior
Read More2014 – What does it mean to you?
I resisted the urge to write this post in the beginning of the year. I had two good reasons for it:
- There was already way too much noise on the “Interwebs”. Nothing that I would say would make an impact.
- I thought I’ll write this at the end of Jan after the euphoria of the new year has worn out and people have settled into their lives.
Like everyone, the beginning of a new year is a magical time. It brings with it the promise of a new start, a chance to let go of the past, and to make a real, permanent change in our lives for the better.
“I’ll get in shape this year”, “I’ll quit smoking”, “I’ll get a new job”, “I’ll spend more time with the family”, “I’ll be a better person”…. The list can go on. Hop across to 43Things.com and you’ll see that we all pretty much want the same thing. But there’s one that I don’t see very much…
I’ll come home.
No, not physically. I’m talking about bringing your mind home.
If you’re anything like me and millions of others, you’ll see that our minds haven’t been home for the longest time. Mine certainly hasn’t. It has wandered off to a million places over the past 2 decades.Here’s where my mind has been:
- It has travelled far for work
- Been to some nasty places in relationships
- Been under a ton of stress while raising kids
- Has been engulfed with the desire for money, success, career, achievement
But here’s the thing… We didn’t really send it to any of those places to begin with. We just woke up one fine morning and it was gone. In the beginning, we didn’t even miss it. And a short while later, we forgot about it. A decade later, we decided “this is how life worked; after all, kids leave home, right? So what’s wrong with the mind leaving home? That’s how things are supposed to work.”
Another decade goes by and we begin to miss it. We coin a new term for the time when it was home. “The good ol’ days” is one that pops up most frequently.
But the one we stick with is “The end of our childhood“.
I spent a fair bit of time thinking about this and came to the realization that we’re deluding ourselves. There’s no finality to our childhood. Or that magical time? Who said there was? On what authority? Or have we simply absolved ourselves of the responsibility for what happens to us on to something “external”…. Something that’s not in our control.
That’s bullshit.
I’m not saying that it’s our fault for letting it go. Not at all. I’m saying we have a responsibility to ourselves to bring it back.
2013 was a tough year for me. Pretty much nothing went right. My personal life, relationships, work life, finances all took a hammering. That’s fine. I’m not complaining. If I’ve had some good times in my life, it’s only fair to expect some bad times. Despite understanding this very clearly, I was surprised that I was angry… a lot! And I don’t normally get angry; I’m not that kind of a guy. I had to figure out where this anger was coming from.
I started thinking about this in late November. I figured I’d have this licked in a month.
I was totally wrong.
December came to a close and I was nowhere close to identifying what I wanted from the next year and what to do with my disturbed mindset. If anything, I was getting angry about not being able to figure out what made me angry. Does that make sense to you?
As January began, I began to calm down and things started registering in my mind. My problem was less to do with my circumstances and more to do with the fact that I was identifying myself with them. I was “becoming” my circumstances. Here was the problem! It became clear that one question needed to be answered:
When was the last time I was truly happy with myself as a person? Not any attributes such as money, career, health… but MYSELF?
I pushed the rewind button… kept it pressed as I went back a decade… and then it became clear that the last time I was happy with who I was was when I was a kid… Maybe 16 or 17. I was fearless. I was optimistic. I was bulletproof. And then, of course, life happened and I allowed myself to be consumed by it.
I don’t know what it will take but I will make sure that this year I travel back in time to find myself and to bring myself home. My instincts tell me that I’m going to have to take some big chances, perhaps even appear crazy to other people. But I’ve spent the past 29 years being like other people and how’s that turned out for me?
So till I try, I’ll never know. Starting this morning… the journey begins.
I’ve been scared of doing a few things… mostly avoiding relationships that may result in conflict. I’m touching base with those people today assuming the conflict doesn’t even exist. It’s what I would have done when I was 16.
If you’ve had any success at this, I’d be happy to know. Leave your comments in the box below.
Thanks
The Warrior
Read MoreStop behaving like an Elephant
I routinely conduct photography workshops over the weekends where I teach regular folks how to take better pictures. I begin by showing them parts of my portfolio and asking them if they think they can take these kind of shots. Invariably, the reactions include “Oh, I could never take shots that good. I just want to improve a bit on my photography. I’m not a professional like you are.”
My reaction is always “Well, then stop behaving like an elephant!”
What does that mean? You see, in India, when the baby elephants are being trained by their trainers (Mahouts), they are often tied with the thickest rope the Mahout can find and tied to the largest tree in the forest. They are then left there. For obvious reasons, the baby elephant doesn’t like this. So he pulls, tugs, chews, yanks… basically does everything he can to get away from the tree. But it doesn’t work. The rope and the tree are too much of a match for him.
Fast forward a few years. The same baby elephant is now a full grown tusker. But this time around, he is tied with the thinnest of ropes to some scrawny looking tree. But he doesn’t even tug at it. Why? Because he “knows” that he can’t get away from it. That’s a fact in his mind and it’ll stay there all his life.
Most of us have a bit of that elephant mentality as well. Have you ever caught yourself saying “I could never do that!” without even examining what it is that stops you from doing it? These are just limitations that exist only in our minds. They aren’t real… not based in reality… yet we believe them with all our heart.
I’ll admit – I’ve been guilty of making this mistake ever so often. But as I’m aware of this, I’m able to catch myself and dispel the thought. I often marvel at kids and teenagers. When they talk about their dreams, they really go the full distance. Everything is supersized! And nothing can go wrong. That’s because they haven’t lived long enough for life to instill those self-imposed fears into them. I look back at my teenage yeas and recognize it. Those were magical times – Everything was possible!
So I implore you to catch yourself the next time you say the words “I can’t”. Take a moment to assess if the limitation is real or just one in your head. Are you the only one who has put it there or is it backed by facts? And if you say “facts”, then do a brutal fact-check on that claim.
You owe it to yourself not to be an elephant. And once you’ve decided not to be one, watch in amazement as the World opens up to you. You can now do anything (well, almost anything). You want your teenage years back? You got them!
The Warrior
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